It has been 10 weeks since Joel left. We are half way there! I expected some major relief or excitement when we reached this milestone, but it didn't really come. To be honest 10 weeks has seemed like a year and I can't fathom trudging through the time to match what has already passed. We have had good days. We have had GREAT days. We have had bad days. and there have been days when I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. This week I have really been struggling with anger issues and have been on my knees in prayer trying to fight through it. I am tired and am starting to have a hard time remembering who is supposed to be where and when and what appointments need to be made. I actually forgot a major appointment for Asher until an hour after we were supposed to be there! Asher has had medicine sitting at the pharmacy (3 blocks from where we live) for over a week now and I keep forgetting to go get it! I feel control slipping out of my hands and am praying for peace and rest in Him.
We try to share as much of our lives as we can over the computer but there is still a hole in our lives. It has been hard finding times to sit and talk. The kids live so many moments and say "I can't wait to tell Daddy about this" and "we have to bring Daddy here when he gets home". They think of him all the time. They literally pray for him every night "Please keep Daddy safe while he is on his very long trip". Jesse thinks "Da" has turned into the computer screen. Every time he passes it, he looks at it, points, and says "da" or comes running when he sees me sitting at the desk. Anna and Asher have drawn upteen million pictures to mail to him. As soon as they see the box on the counter they frantically start drawing. He is so dear to them and to me. We miss you Joel. We are proud of you. We are hanging in there. We are trying to live every moment and not just survive.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full".